And if you’re not, it really is okay if others are.
This isn’t the Mother’s Day post you’d expect from me – at least if you know anything about my family. My mom died 11.5 years ago. My son died a little over two years ago, and he is joined in his rest by 6 miscarried siblings.
Spend any time on social media today, and I should be a total wreck!
But here’s the thing – I’m not. Christ has gifted me with so many treasures in this world. Oh sure, my living kids, my amazing husband who works so tirelessly for our family, but also waking up this morning, devices to help me breathe while I sleep or the anticipated surgery this week to help me regain full function in my hand that likes to fall asleep if I ask it to work. Heck, even that hand that likes to fall asleep – just as it is. On the outside, I have a lot that I could complain about… I just don’t want to.
For the last week, I’ve seen a lot of “trigger warnings” on Mother’s Day posts.
“Don’t forget those who have lost a mother.” “There is no one more deserving of being remembered on Mother’s Day than the one who had to give her child back.” “This day may be difficult for those who long to be a mother – be gentle.” And yes, absolutely, we would all be so much better off with a huge dose of gentleness foe everyone around us. There’s even a specific holiday for those of us who have had children die – Bereaved Mother’s Day – so that we don’t have to feel sad today. But I guess we need to feel sad today, too?
There are also those who had babies. Not in the midst of infertility or miscarriage or without their mom there to teach them the ropes. I’m talking the seemingly Hallmark card picture of motherhood. Do we have to take away from celebrating others’ happiness in order to protect anyone outside of that? Can’t we just allow pure honor and happiness and joy #nofilter?
When we try to include everyone, we end up sabotaging everyone in the process. Let’s celebrate moms today, step back if it’s too hard for you personally, but raining on someone else’s happiness doesn’t make your grief load lighter – it just imposes it on someone who would likely help you bear it if you didn’t dump it on them first.