Photographic Memory

(copied from Facebook)

I’m slowly going through photos to share, mostly because there are a finite number of them, and many very plainly show he isn’t living. They’ll always be precious to me, but they’re not really social media sharable. But this one… one of his first shortly after he was born… is, and it’s one of my favorites. I was finally feeling well enough to hold him (I had some pretty crazy blood pressure swings during and after labor), our dear Aubrey was there to capture some of the immediate after delivery images (weight, measurements) before the kids came back, Geoffrey was at my side (other photos have his hand in the mix, too). Finally meeting the child who belonged in his blanket, getting to dress him in the He Leads Me onesie my three college girlfriends, who walked through the difficulties of his pregnancy alongside me, sent for “Baby Bucha.” Sure, there was sadness, but there was so much happiness in the moment as well.

I’ve thought a lot about this in the past (almost) week since we learned he had passed away… If I knew this was how the pregnancy would end, would I have changed anything? Honestly, no. He was loved since that second pink line showed up – loved by me and his dad, his siblings, his grandparents and aunts and uncles, his Godparents, his Coffeehouse aunties and their families, his church family eagerly anticipated his presence in their midst, praying for him every Sunday. All these wonderful people who have learned and shared about him since his delivery when he never took a breath. What an amazing impact on the world for such a tiny little man! This time right now with empty arms hurts, but how blessed and full is my life and my heart.

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